In the name of Justice, Love, Truth, and Food...
My world consists of anime, piano, books, sloth and gluttony. If you see any other subject matter, it's only a momentary lapse.

Contact Information
Email Me
Y!IM: beezer_0
ICQ: 43628216

Current Anime
(ordered by priority)
Boogiepop Phantom, Wolf's Rain, Crest of the Stars, .hack//sign

Currently Reading
E Pluribus Unicorn by Theodore Sturgeon

I Am Legend by Richard Mathetson

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

The Plague by Albert Camus

the lexfiles
mad world
sarah daisy
sterno pants
listen missy
the red zone
southern relish
tastes like chicken


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wWednesday, May 19, 2004


posted by Beatriz at 11:50 AM

wWednesday, November 05, 2003

Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come. I shall depart blogger.

For continued torture to your poor souls, please direct your attention to

While not required, I'd love for those who link to me to change the links. One of the reasons I resisted livejournal for so long is I didn't want to lose my readers here. But I finally accepted the fact that, should a reader leave me because s/he won't click on the link above, I'll just have to live with it.

I kind of feel like an era is ending, but we all must needs move forward to keep growing. Or so they keep telling me.

posted by Beatriz at 4:50 PM


I got this forward today and sent it to as many email addresses as I could find, but I have to post it here. It's just too funny.
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned.

I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house.

I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

posted by Beatriz at 2:45 PM

wTuesday, November 04, 2003

Finished Matrix Reloaded. Spoilers ahead, although I think I'm the only person who hasn't seen it before now.

Some thoughts.

It wasn't that bad. I expected worse. I knew it was going to be a cliffhanger, I knew the annoying kid existed. The fight scenes were ridiculous. I mean, how many times could Keanu use Smith as a bowling ball?

The car chase scene, I really liked. I actually had adrenaline pumping there. Trinity got to do the cool things, although she kept getting her ass kicked.

The heart massage could've been skipped. The sentiment was great and all, but that was just awful. The movie was good until Neo would come in and "save the day." When he flew in to save Morpheus and the keymaster, I thought it was ridiculous. The fact that Links and Morpheus couldn't guess he'd do the same for Trinity was beyond me. They all looked so surprised.

Interesting themes, I wish I could go back to see. The concepts of choice, of fate, of the reasons why we do what we do. The mother unit heard that Matrix Revolution is awesome, and if so I'll probably get the series on dvd. Then I can go back and rewatch the scenes I spaced out on.

Rather anime -like.

posted by Beatriz at 12:41 AM

wMonday, November 03, 2003

I am such a dumbass.

I'm just going to run The Italian Job overnight and tape it. I don't care that it won't be DVD quality or that my tapes are really old and the copy will be awful; I just want to see the flick.

posted by Beatriz at 11:18 PM


First: Boo Blockbuster.

Last night, I stopped by the Blockbuster on 18th on the way home from practicing darts to get Matrix Reloaded. (no need to link that, of course) Turns out I had some kind of credit, so I picked up The Italian Job (yay, Jason Statham) and Identity, both recommended by Alexa.

The guy told me the due dates, but after a few+ ciders whilst throwing pointy objects, I thought only one was due back on the 4th. Unfortunately, two are, and I wanted to get to bed early. To watch both The Italian Job and Matrix Reloaded back to back, missing Carnivale (although I can catch that later in the week) - I was annoyed. If someone rents something late on Sunday, they should have until midnight, not noon a day and a half later.

Of course, posting isn't helping the time either, as I'm only halfway through Matrix Reloaded, but I digress.

Second: Something I totally have to check.

I'm watching Matrix Reloaded, and I just got through the scene with Persephone (Monica Bellucci). She is so amazingly beautiful. I adored her in Brotherhood of the Wolf, and after the bad reviews of Matrix Reloaded, at least she'd be a perk.

I had to pause the movie to run downstairs and get a load of laundry, and I called my mom really quick to tell her I didn't think the movie is that bad. I mentioned the Persephone scene - of which she has no recollection - and that Monica Bellucci was just in Mel Gibson's "Jesus" movie as Mary Magdalene.

First she says she heard it's very blasphemous.

Then she asks me if I heard what happened to the actor who plays Jesus. I said no, but I already knew it was James Caviezel because he was very hot in High Crimes, and he was Dantes in The Count of Monte Cristo, which I really liked.

She tells me, "He got hit by lightning. . . The guy standing behind him said he saw smoke coming out of his ears."

I'm totally laughing my ass off. I posted about this movie a while ago (which I'd link to if I had the inclination to dig back through my archives - which I don't), smirking at Mel Gibson's contribution to the ever-growing Christian mythology renditions. I mostly was just hoping it wouldn't hurt James Caviezel's or Monica Bellucci's careers. He's kind of hot, and I think Bellucci is fantastic.

I wasn't quite anticipating their lives being in danger. My God. Literally.

And when I was linking to Caviezel, I caught a glimpse of the little biography, something about a dislocated shoulder during filming (!).

posted by Beatriz at 11:14 PM


So I’m apparently very self-sabotaging. I know this, I've been this way for a long long time, and it's something I am working on.

But it's a really hard trait to overcome. When someone keeps telling me to do or not do something – I get this rebellious urge to totally act the opposite.

In Hudson Hawk, Tommy Five Tone refers to his own penchant towards rebellion: "Sign says, 'Keep Off the Grass'? Let's play soccer." On my first viewing all those years ago, I thought to myself, That's rather silly and potentially troublesome. And probably a very accurate stereotype of the typical criminal.

But am I so very different? Every two weeks I get an email from the head person here at work, "Don't forget your time sheet!" And I feel this little tendril of anger boil up; what, does she think I'm stupid?

I mention to the folks that I'm going out for an evening; "Don't drink!" If you know me at all, you know how well I follow that advice.

I think what I hate most is the fact that I'm not given a chance or a choice to do things myself. The second I'm come down on for something I might do, I figure I might as well do what I'm apparently being punished for.

I especially hate having to follow the rules when I feel coerced. But in daily life, in work life, it’s something that just needs to be sucked up. I understand this; it's not a matter of understanding, it's a matter of doing.

posted by Beatriz at 3:34 PM

wSunday, November 02, 2003

Today I bought a Y-adapter so I can listen to the mp3s on my computer through the receiver connected to the tv/dvd, etc. My computer speakers are dying a horrible death, there's an awful buzzing in the background. It's gotten to the point where I have to leave them off unless I'm actually listening to music or watching anime. And even then the buzzing is horribly distracting. Forget putting on Chant or sitar music during reading; I'd find myself focusing on the stupid buzz instead of the book.

But now! It's so fantastic. These speakers are kind of old and small, but now I can prioritize buying a nice pair of speakers to listen to everything.

I also have PC plans - possible new motherboard, definitely new ram from the mother unit. The laptop is so on the backburner.

Spencie says I'm becoming a geek. That's ok, at least I have something to show for spending my money, instead of drinking it all away.

posted by Beatriz at 4:13 PM


So the yearly Gathering o' nerds - er, IRC #b5 folk - shall take place next summer at the mother unit's abode.

While she'll be the physical host, it's really going to be Spencer's party. He offered to do all the planning, all the picking up from the airport(s). Yes, he's from England, but he's been here so many times that he has a better grasp of the DC area than either me or the mother unit. Hardly surprising; she never ventures beyond a 5 mile radius from her house on Shady Grove, and I don't drive.

I'm excited, but wary. Last year at this time, I totally anticipated going to the gathering held earlier this summer. I wound up not going for a variety of reasons - not the least of which is I got really pissed off at a couple of the channel's prominent personalities.

It's a ways off, Gatherings are usually held in the summer around my birthday. Which is also one day after Spencie's birthday, setting up perfect timing for maximum celebration.

Unfortunately, these people think alcohol is the devil's brew, so a hardcore party won't be in order.

Hopefully, Essbee shall be in attendence. He's been a fixture in most of them, and he's also one of the mother unit's favorites. I'm going to work on sterno pants even though "they" say it'll be a moot effort.

Incidentally, the term "Gathering" comes from the Babylon 5 pilot title, The Gathering. This will be the eighth event, affectionately termed G8.

posted by Beatriz at 3:58 PM

wSaturday, November 01, 2003

May 19th, YR7 Sheris Mates (29:34) has surrendered to us! Our people rejoice at our victory!

posted by Beatriz at 8:40 PM


After an hour or so messing with various templates, I thought of merely changing the colors.

The purple satisfies me. For now.

posted by Beatriz at 2:21 AM


Feeling somewhat productive. Getting a few programs from josh, going to buy some cds tomorrow to burn a lot of the zip files I have, clean up some room on the computer, overhaul my organization. I've also set up the bitorrent thing so I can see the South Park episode I missed at 12.

I feel like less of a loser doing something like this on a Friday night - Halloween, no less - than just sitting around moping.

My best friend called me earlier, on her way to Blockbuster to get a horror movie or two. She told her boyfriend that he could go out with friends if he wanted to experience a real American Halloween (this is his first in the states; he's from England), but she wanted to spend the night eating and watching movies.

We did this kind of thing a lot on holidays. One post-college New Year's Eve we just hung out with my mom, watched George of the Jungle on HBO, saw Mr. Mackey of South Park do the countdown, and sipped on mimosas we bought at the local beer & wine. She knew of a couple parties, and I could've tagged along if I'd really wanted to - but we both unspokenly knew that we'd have a better time in "cozy" celebration.

Alexa's glad that her boyfriend is staying in with her, but that she wishes I could be there; he just doesn't appreciate the whole activity the same way I do.

I used to watch a lot of movies with Susanna in high school, and I love hanging out with Sarah Daisy on the weekends in front of the t.v. - but it's just really different having a movie marathon with Alexa.

The call and the memories it brought up made me feel much better about choosing to stay in tonight.

posted by Beatriz at 12:40 AM

wFriday, October 31, 2003

And I've literally just spent 45 minutes going around and around in my head the path I always take when contemplating switching the template.

It's too long and disgustingly neurotic and picky to go through. Plus, it's a long set of random segueways that are too embarrassing to admit. Forty-five minutes to get to the same point, and by then I'm too tired and cranky to even consider tinkering with code.

The things I do at work are simple in that environment; for some reason I find it harder to apply them to personal projects. And I do realize that this is one of the many things that keeps me from being something more than a secretary. I'm lazy, not stupid.

Focus, write down the things I need to do, and just do them.

Maybe after this cigarette...

posted by Beatriz at 10:53 PM


During nights like this, I tend to click through the pages I link to there on the left. Lex and Braylen will always be the first two, no matter how I rearrange the content, since it was their pages that really got me wanting to do this a year and a half ago.

I rather enjoyed Lex's posts from earlier this week. I haven't particularly liked his stuff over the past year or so, it's been mostly links to articles, political commentary and acridity. This is what you want, this is what you get... and Thursday's Obligatory Morning Post (an idea I so want to copy, but can never get my ass out of bed early enough) reminded me of what originally inspired me to want my own page. I've moved in a totally different direction, but without their slices of life, flashes of humor, random anecdotes, I never would've wanted to see what I could do with one.

What I do is apparently rant and rave about whatever comes to mind. I just try to put a bit more polish on it than the delerious, selfish stream-of-consciousness that is my journal.

But everytime I go to Lex's page, I cringe because I inadvertantly picked the same setup he has. Blogger didn't have this design when I first started, and I went through two other ugly ones before I settled on this one.

By the time I realized it was the same, I'd already spent the time adding the boxes on the side in the code and linking everything. I didn't feel like going through the trouble to change it.

Maybe I'll spend the time working with one of the other templates this evening. I have space from my ISP, the programs from work, I eventually want to set up my own design and maybe one day have my own domain. I've been thinking of pursuing the side-project for nearly a year; I've just never gotten around to it.

But if I can't even take the time to change my template, then I'm certainly not going to follow through on coding a whole new site. Maybe I'll try doing the former tonight, see if my brain appreciates the workout.

posted by Beatriz at 9:56 PM


I just realized the usefulness of having an wish list.

I've always kind of wondered why people put their wishlist on their pages. I tend to think it's rather presumptuous. Also, why would someone make a wishlist? The only ones I remember making were for Christmas when I was really little.

I'm having my early Friday-night chill time, checking on the provinces, actually making an attack, chatting on IM and IRC. EK tells me the RahXephon Bible has been translated into English. He said it's available at Borders online.

Of course, I totally forget that Borders and merged, and so I wind up on I look up the book, see it's priced at just $13.99, and decide to put off ordering it until next payday. I'm going to eventually buy it, but I don't need it immediately; a couple weeks isn't going to make much of a difference in me owning the book. A rather more mature instinct than the immediate purchase I would've made a couple of years ago on a credit card. I'm still reaping the rewards for those shopping sprees.

Then it suddenly occurs to me, that I could put it on a wishlist. Not for someone else to see, but so that in two weeks when I get paid, I don't need to remember to look it up. I just need to think, there's something I want to buy on amazon, go to the list and see what I saved.

I have this big spreadsheet of books I want to read, but any time I get money together ("pay day") and feel like browsing/shopping ("during work"), I never have the list with me. Or if I do, I suddenly don't like one thing on that sheet. And there's always tons of things on I want that I randomly glance at, or want to look at in more detail later. For instance, Richard Matheson books, or something someone mentioned in the smoke room.

If I just put those random books I'm looking up on my wishlist, I'll always have it when I go to the site to browse. Pretty neat.

And as much as I still think putting a link to one's wish list is presumptuous, I'm also seeing it as being slightly clever in the way of SatC's episode A Women's Right to Shoes.

But I don't think I can bring myself to post a list of things I want for anyone to see. It just seems tacky.

posted by Beatriz at 8:33 PM



picture myself as a thin white child
back to the day I was born on
they slapped me into line as it crossed my mind
I've felt better
I've felt worse

this is my life & it's all very well but
never again
as they say
"we've been robbed"
& don't you know that
this time

just love yourself like no one else
it's enough
they can say what they like but they still can't
take that

distance myself from the things I'd like but
everyone has something I need
don't let me wake up & find
all those others leaving me behind

if you don't have a clue about life
then I'm happy to say
neither have I although
I'm not going to shrug my shoulders & suck my thumb
this time
cos there's something I deserve

just love yourself like no one else
it's enough
they can say what they like but they still can't
take that

picture my house in a postcard town
picture a bomb in the sky
history at the door who could ask for more?
I've felt better

so kill me with love
just love yourself like no one else
time's so scarce where I come from
let them say what they like cos they still can't take your

- The Sundays, from "Blind"

posted by Beatriz at 5:02 PM


I'm apparently on a K's Choice and The Sundays kick. I love both groups' music, and I haven't listened to them in a while. They complement each other well.

But collectively, the songs somewhat upset me because I feel like I'm missing a lot in their meaning.

I've never been good with poetry, I can barely understand what the hell popular songs are about. The Sundays is very cool, but I feel like I'm only getting half of the songs' meaning; K's Choice just goes completely over my head.

This all lends a rather bittersweet quality to my enjoyment. Fits my mellow mood.

posted by Beatriz at 4:51 PM


Listening to songs from The Sundays' first album reminds me of being 13, listening to the tape over and over, and playing Dragon Warrior on the Nintendo.

And of reading Madeleine L'Engel's A Wrinkle in Time series. Middle school fantasy and scifi.

I unfortunately also have the association of Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 with Bubble Bobble; luckily, I don't hear that music anymore.

The Sundays is still good listening.

That is all.

posted by Beatriz at 4:40 PM


I do not dress up for Halloween. I do not enjoy being told to put on an eye patch, or a tiara, to be part of the crowd.

I do not celebrate holidays commercially. Hell, I don't celebrate holidays at all. Christmas is merely another day - it just happens to be inside a week off from work.

I am tired of being told to smile as I walk down a hallway. If I am in a pissy mood, I would like to be in my pissy mood.

My Halloween evening shall consist of laundry, cleaning, Diva, Secretary, possibly Possession if it's arrived, the latest episode of South Park - which I heard is hilarious, and reairs tonight at midnight - kitten-snuggling, Sandman-reading, and heavy smoking. And possibly an hour of meditation to get my head screwed on fucking straight, since I'm all kinds of out of sorts today.

Now, that is a quality evening. I shall go to bed early, wake up early, and possibly accomplish a thing or two tomorrow.

posted by Beatriz at 3:43 PM