In the name of Justice, Love, Truth, and Food...
My world consists of anime, piano, books, sloth and gluttony. If you see any other subject matter, it's only a momentary lapse.

Contact Information
Email Me
Y!IM: beezer_0
ICQ: 43628216

Current Anime
(ordered by priority)
Boogiepop Phantom, Wolf's Rain, Crest of the Stars, .hack//sign

Currently Reading
E Pluribus Unicorn by Theodore Sturgeon

I Am Legend by Richard Mathetson

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

The Plague by Albert Camus

the lexfiles
mad world
sarah daisy
sterno pants
listen missy
the red zone
southern relish
tastes like chicken


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wFriday, August 09, 2002

Taking a break?
I highly suspect that I'm going to take next season off completely from darts. I know people go years playing season after season, but playing two nights a week for two seasons has taken its toll on me. I'm not that great of a player and my game is just frustrating me at this point. Both of my teams aren't playing next season, and while I'm sure I could find a spot somewhere, I'm taking it as a sign that I need some time off. Time to lose the weight I've put on, stay away from bars, avoid drama and take care of Me.

However will I spend my time, though? That's one thing I'm a little nervous about. When I first moved out of the parents' house last October, I was in a serious relationship, worked a part-time job and played lots of darts. The few minutes I ever did have to myself, I just collapsed and took advantage of the break. Now, I'm single, and other than the 35 hours a week I work, I'll have absolutely no obligations. I have plans of playing piano again, taking some yoga classes, writing more. Computer games are also a distinct possibility, particularly Neverwinter Nights, as so eloquently lauded by Miki.

"And that's about the it." - Buffy, Season 3, "Faith, Hope and Trick"

posted by Beatriz at 4:55 PM


Friday Five
1. Do you have a car? Nope.

2. Do you drive very often? Nope.

3. What's your dream car? Don't have one. Since driving is pretty much a non-issue for me for at least the next 5 or 6 years, I don't really think about cars.

4. Have you ever received a ticket? Speeding tickets, DWI/DUI tickets, and the traffic violation that went with one of the DWIs.

5. Have you ever been in an accident? Yep, I was 16 or 17. I was making a left turn, and someone coming in the opposite direction had his left turn signal on, so I turned. He didn't. He crashed into me. About a quarter of a mile from my house.

posted by Beatriz at 4:23 PM


Random Buffy quote of the day
Anya: Willow's a demon?

posted by Beatriz at 4:13 PM


Take The Princess Quiz by Azure Eyes

You are The Princess of Quite a Bit

Your kingdom is comprised of modest crafts and tradesmen.
Though your title of Princess is mostly honourary, you still manage to take advantage of the freedom and privileges your sovereignity provides.
You have time to enjoy the finer things in life, but keep your indulgences to a minimal level, beleiving that one should waste not, want not.
You never forget your prestigieous heritage, but you prefer to mingle with the commoners, relishing in the special freedoms they have.
Your life revolves around tradition and celebration, spending those times with the ones you love.
Level-headed and considerate, you are well liked by all your subjects.
Your crown is a thin band of jewels.
Your throne is a simple chair that sits beside your mother’s throne.

posted by Beatriz at 3:17 PM


A hint to stay in?
From horoscope:
. . . But things should be much more relaxed later in the day when you're bound to be looking forward to a nice, peaceful evening at home. . . . and you'll probably want to spend as much time as you can at home over the next few days.
I'd promised to go to Luck of the Draw tonight for a few minutes, but I really don't want to. Tired, hung over, and highly considering going through a serious detox over the next few months. No alcohol, and me hanging out in a bar isn't going to help that resolution.

The only thing that would make staying at home be more perfect, would be a little kitty running around my apartment.

posted by Beatriz at 9:54 AM

wThursday, August 08, 2002

For you, Thomas
A post of nothing.


posted by Beatriz at 1:12 PM


And the kitty...
will not be mine.

Guess I'll go to a shelter. Probably sometime next week.

posted by Beatriz at 11:48 AM


One line from my horoscope today:
Team members pull together when driven by a common purpose.
Could this mean victory for the RHSC tonight in our match against Mischief? They're a tough team, and if we lose, it's our last match together, which makes me quite sad.

posted by Beatriz at 7:56 AM

wWednesday, August 07, 2002

Crashing hard
I've been having a rather productive day. My bosses seem, if not ecstatic about my presence, more pleased than they have been over the past few months. This is likely because I've been getting to work on time, actually doing things, and showing an interest in the world around me. See, Braylen and Bride gave me some food for thought last Thursday during our dart match. I listen and pay attention to them because - as I've told them both a hundred times in a drunken slur - I hold them both in the highest of respects. They're a great-looking, fun-loving, active, successful couple. I want to be like them when I grow up. And I'm not being facetious. If by my early- to mid- thirties I can have my shit half as together as they do, I'll be pretty pleased with my lot.

So, I often tell them my problems and/or ask for advice. "Braylen, what would you look for in an employee?" "Bride, what were you doing when you turned 25?" Uh - needless to say, my life falls rather short of the benchmark. But, they do give me things to think about, and I'm now trying to apply a new principle to my life. Things have been really shitty for me lately, and the whole Cycle that is Beatriz is making everything suffer. Obviously improving my personal/social life isn't working, that's hardly any better. I just drink more. Maybe it was the way Braylen was talking on Thursday that gave me this total epiphany: Make work-life better, and maybe it'll bleed into everything else.

I feel like I've been working so backwards - trying to go to the gym, be productive at home, practice temperance when I go out (so unsuccessful on that last one!). And hoping maybe things will get better at work when I'm happier. Why not attack my problems from another perspective? Work is going to be the one constant in my life until I'm 60+ years old - unless I win the lottery, or get a sugar daddy (cough cough, splutter - no, that wasn't sarcasm). No, being a secretary might not be what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it is what I do 35 hours a week right now. For 35 hours a week I've been miserable, and thus it's hardly a surprise that the rest of the time I'm unhappy. I'm incredibly depressed now during my off-hours, so why not make the other 35 a happier time.

Ok, I know this all sounds basic and common sensical, but it truly is a new way for me to look at things. I've taken on a big project no one asked me to do, to make part of my job a lot easier. If it pans out, it'll cut down immensely on the time and stress I have every month concerning this one responsibility. I know that I at least have a brain, but this will be the first time I've actually proven to myself that I can successfully plan and execute a project in which I have no previous experience. I know I can do these things, but lofty ideas are nothing until they've been actualized. And tested and torn apart and proved again. I actually feel motivated to go to work and do things - she says, as she blogs on the clock.

But that's not the point.

The title of this rant is "Crashing hard," and actually refers to the fact that I had a ton of coffee this morning and now the caffeine high (and motivation, I guess) is wearing off. I want to go home and nap. And I likely will do so. But right now I'm in that post-working hard and basking in the afterglow of a day well done. And I don't feel badly about blogging or slacking for these last few minutes, because I know that tomorrow I'll be working again. And be maybe a bit happier with my lot.

posted by Beatriz at 5:28 PM

wTuesday, August 06, 2002

8 Minute Thoughts: Afterlife
8 minutes left of work. Let's see if I can contemplate the afterlife in these next few minutes.

When I was little, my dad made me go to church every Sunday. I was raised Catholic, went to parochial school until 7th grade, when through extreme circumstances, I managed to convince my parents that I hated it and wanted to leave. I still had to go to church.

Anyways, the point is once I graduated high school I refused to go. Not really out of any sense of, "I don't believe this" - rather, "You think my ass is getting out of bed at 8:00 a.m.? Fuck off."

I don't even go now on Christmas and Easter.

So that's my background. Only recently has my "belief system," or at least my subconscious, been able to release all of what was ingrained in me over my formative years. I really didn't think much about them, mostly because they were shoved down my throat so much that I just felt, fine, I accept whatever, just let me know when it's over.

When I was in high school I did a little shoplifting. Not much, mind you, but a bit. Then I stopped because I was afraid I'd die and go to hell before I could confess. Not really out because I was afraid of getting caught, but because I didn't want to go to hell.

But now? I don't know exactly what I think of when we die, but I don't feel it's a place of retribution or reward. Where we all wait in heaven, hell or purgatory for Judgement Day. I don't think there is even going to be a Judgment Day anymore.

Will continue this when I get home. Or not. Because I am now allowed off the Hellmouth.

BLHA to you all!

posted by Beatriz at 5:31 PM


Today's word is blha.

It is what to you say in IM to your friend when you're wanting to get the hell off the Hellmouth.

posted by Beatriz at 5:01 PM


The things we dream...
Mackay: I had the weirdest dream last night. i lived in a house made of hash bricks, and i woke up to find my friends gray and andy had smoked the kitchen wall.

posted by Beatriz at 1:35 PM


Conversation with the boss

Me: What do you want me to do with these?
Boss: Put them in the trash.
Me: Really?
Boss: No, I guess not. Put them with the rest of the videotapes I can't seem to get rid of.
Me: Where?
Boss: On the shelf - about as high as you can reach.
Me: That's really not saying very much.
Boss: Yes, I know.

posted by Beatriz at 10:56 AM

wMonday, August 05, 2002

Gym time
I'd decided today to go to the gym tonight. To make the motivation even better, I also got my new gym clothes that I ordered - two pairs of shorts, two bras and a new pair of sneakers. I'm pretty excited and am going to put them to use right now.

Yay me.

posted by Beatriz at 6:29 PM


You are 22% geek
OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutia. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at


posted by Beatriz at 4:49 PM


No kitty
... yet.

Will find out on Wednesday. Which is good because I neither went home to get the kitty supplies, nor cleaned my apartment. In fact, I sat on my fat ass the whole weekend and did nothing but play computer games.

So the question becomes, how do I keep my motivation on the weekends? Something new and fun for me to contemplate.

posted by Beatriz at 12:53 PM