In the name of Justice, Love, Truth, and Food...
My world consists of anime, piano, books, sloth and gluttony. If you see any other subject matter, it's only a momentary lapse.

Contact Information
Email Me
Y!IM: beezer_0
ICQ: 43628216

Current Anime
(ordered by priority)
Boogiepop Phantom, Wolf's Rain, Crest of the Stars, .hack//sign

Currently Reading
E Pluribus Unicorn by Theodore Sturgeon

I Am Legend by Richard Mathetson

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

The Plague by Albert Camus

the lexfiles
mad world
sarah daisy
sterno pants
listen missy
the red zone
southern relish
tastes like chicken


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wSaturday, September 27, 2003

So I've been sitting around eating, reading The Stars My Destination in ebook. I never liked reading on my computer, but I'd only tried a few times with my old desk. My new desk has a raised section for the monitor, so it's not nearly as uncomfortable. It's actually rather convenient, I have all the things I need sitting right in front of me. Cigarettes, ashtray, cider, food.

It's also much easier on my back than my couches. Sound strange? My couches don't have backs, so there's no where to totally rest unless you want to lie down. Sometimes I want to sit, but then I'm hunched over my book leading to much popping-of-the-spine.

I have IRC open, and during a momentary break I wind up asking one guy if he reads. He replied that he's "ill-read," and come to think of it, I've never seen him get involved in any of the book discussions.

I can't understand how people can not read. Reading has been a huge huge part of my life since I was 8 and I read the Laura Ingalls Wilder Little House on the Prairie series. I know it's silly now, but after that series, I couldn't read enough books. It was quite disgusting, actually. I read Robert R. McCammon's Swan Song in 5th grade. It was the first real, big horror book I read (Flowers in the Attic is not horror, that's soft porn). 957 pages, took me a month. Little girl in a Catholic school uniform carting a huge-ass book with a demon face on the front to piano lessons and dance class.

I get the hugest rush off of reading. Dropping myself into another world for a while. I've realized lately, though, that I don't want to be the person in the book. Oh, it's nice to identify with the hero or heroine, but I don't necessarily need that. It's more like watching an adventure movie, having an adventure, seeing someone else's. I suppose I could totally pick up and change my life and want to be a spy or an archaeologist (which is so not me) but then I'd be limited to adventures in just that field. I like having it all - the impossible, the fantastic and the horror. I like the adventures on a mental, intellectual level, not a physical.

So it sometimes amazes me that others don't want that experience. Even if they're reading a completely different genre, the fact that they don't want to let their subconscious mind experience another world for a while baffles me. I know a few people who don't read scifi, but prefer to watch it, and are totally into their scifi shows and stuff. But that's still a different level - watching to reading. It's a completely different medium - with its own merits, of course. Most people that know me are more aware than they want to be about my interests in anime and tv shows. Anyone who reads my page knows that.

But reading is such a different form of entertainment, kind of a tickle to your senses. I've had people laughing at the way I read for years. I sometimes get so into the books that I jump, cover my eyes, react completely out loud.

Then I remembered something similar coming up the other day. In Riptide, the main character was a doctor who painted watercolors as a hobby. The day he took off to do some art, he did the finger-viewing thingy with his fingers to get a sense of the colors.

I got to thinking about my own skills as an artist – or, lack thereof. I can't draw, I can't paint, I don't know anything at all about art. Not even art history. I can appreciate good things, photographs that take my breath away, classic paintings of exquisite form and perfection. But I don't get the spark and the fire to create something like that. I can appreciate it, but it's not my passion.

So this character spends his spare time painting. That's where his interests and drive lies. For some reason, I could suddenly appreciate that even if others don't read, they can have other ways of expanding their horizons, polishing their own talents.

And I do think reading is a talent, one that is developed past an elementary stage. Some people choose not to pursue it; I never chose to pursue art beyond the classes I was forced to take as a child. Books, reading, expanding my mind through words - that is the talent that I possess. Oh, I was "good" at math and science, and maybe could have chosen those routes - but I didn't. It was always the fantastic adventures and creativity that I could read in books that I craved, not the desire to help others, to run for class president, to run a marathon.

I don't feel so bad anymore, having let those other possibilities fall by the wayside. I have talents and ideas that I've developed from a very young age, things that I can apply to my future. I'm never going to be a rocket scientist or a champion ice figure skater - my talents and inclinations never lay there anyways.

I'm not sure where my path will lead, but at least it seems a little less clouded.

posted by Beatriz at 11:08 PM


Now starting, The Stars My Destination, also by Alfred Bester.

Why'd I get into this author? He was recommended by neckro, who has a more eccentric reading background than I do. Possibly less varied, but he certainly has read a lot of crazy stuff.

Apparently the creator of Babylon 5 (the channel I frequent in IRC, the first series I became obsessed with) based his Psicorp after the Guild in Bester's The Demolished Man. The psicop and bane of B5's existence, Alfred Bester, was named such in honor of the 50's scifi writer.

The Demolished Man was fantastic. Smart, fast writing, a technique a lot of writers seem to have forgotten.

And apparently The Stars My Destination is "darker and grittier," according to neckro.

posted by Beatriz at 7:01 PM


I think I just read the best manhunt scene ever.

Reich and Hassop went into the Reservation, a place on Spaceland that allows absolutely no electronic or civilized devices. You have to live in the rough, supposedly to get you back in touch with your roots.

Powell gets 10 Espers together - from a Secretary to a judge to an ambassador - to hike through to find them, flashing pictures toeach other of the group to make sure. It was all complete dialogue, no description, no action, just talk.

The Demolished Man is fantastic scifi.

posted by Beatriz at 3:55 PM

wFriday, September 26, 2003

The Thermodynamics of Hell

posted by Beatriz at 8:28 PM


I got roped into taking a province on Utopia's Battlefields, part of the Hope kingdom that's apparently been together for a while. The province belongs to the kingdom, the regular members have the login info for all 25 provinces. They have a forum the Angel Forum Agent provides info for automatically, a private IRC channel, they're part of MYTH, it looks to be a pretty good, organized kingdom. Unfortunately I might have to leave it next round.

Multis are illegal. I'm not supposed to have a province on both the World and Battlefields server, but my home computer has a dynamic isp, and I use a different browser for each province. But if my World kingdom manages to get 18 regular people, we'll get moved back to the Battlefields. I won't multi on the same server, it's too easy to get caught. Plus, I'm chicken.

Guess I'll delete my Genesis province, I don't really have time for 3 provinces that take up a lot of effort. I love the Caelums on WoL, I so lucked out dropping into a kingdom like this. The BF Hope kingdom needed an American, and my buddy recommended me, so it's mine for the nonce. Too bad this province is in total shambles. Too much offense, too little defense, no thieves at all. How this guy made any kind of successful attacks or intel-gathering is beyond me. It's going to take me a week to get this guy in any kind of shape that I'd be happy with.

I'm such a Utopia snob.

posted by Beatriz at 2:43 PM

wThursday, September 25, 2003

I told myself that if Underworld got fantastic reviews, I'd see it. It would have to have a totally kickass story with complications and twists that 14 years of reading horror/scifi can't prepare me for. I didn't have much faith in a Hollywood's attempt at the genre, and apparently I've been justified.
Instead the movie treats the audience like bunch of slack-jawed morons and spoon feeds us the whole story up front just so we don't have to worry our pretty little heads with such nasty complicated stuff as plot.
Pretty much what I expected. From another review:
Why, after "the better part of a thousand years" of combat is Celine such a CRAPTASTIC shot? She'll be close enough to hock a loogie on someone and miss them entirely. I totally got that scene where she shoots a circle on the floor and falls through. Best not to waste any bullets shooting at a target of any kind.

Why do the werewolves have to get buck naked to fight anyone? You would think after a millenium of knucklin' up someone would have discovered sweatpants or at least boxer briefs.
Lack of authenticity, lack of coherent plot, lack of acting. Think I'll pass it up.

posted by Beatriz at 4:56 PM

wTuesday, September 23, 2003

So far, my position as Public Relations Advisor of the Army of the Robot seems to still be intact. Or, essbee just hasn't gotten around to removing me from the enlisted. I believe I reaffirmed my loyalty to the ROBOT by giving sterno pants a lot of hell on IRC, much to essbee's and the rest of #b5's glee.

The Minister of Automation is now online. Gomibushi, a fellow anime fan, has been sucked into the world. Or maybe he just felt left out as the only Army person without a page.

posted by Beatriz at 3:08 PM

wMonday, September 22, 2003

My ass got kicked yesterday.
** News Summary: June 8th to July 13th **

** Received **
10,000 Runes in aid from Caelum StarLight (33:28)

** Losses **
145 acres to attacks and land lust
1,288 troops to spells, thieves, and desertion
9,916 runes to thieves, plunderers, and magic
66 Soldiers, 291 Archers, 137 Elf Lords
......... killed in 2 attacks
99 troops were reanimated into soldiers
Sundry Ops: Riots, Thieves Caught (x10), Failed Spells (x8)
We CAUGHT the plague on June 18th

** Caught **
Highgard (18:29) (Magic)
.......... Jun 13
Malicious Mango (18:29) (Attacks)
.......... Jun 18
Pineapple Power (18:29) (Attacks)
.......... Jul 6
Grapes Of Wrath (18:29) (Magic)
.......... Jul 10
stupid sapodilla (18:29) (Magic+Thievery)
.......... Jul 11
Flying Banana (18:29) (Magic)
.......... Jul 13
But it was all well and good, since I was out with Sarah Daisy at the 9:30 club to see the cast of A Mighty Wind. It was great, they were all in character. A few sketches, and I got to see Michael McKean, Harry Shearer, Christopher Guest, Parker Posey, Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara.

We were also properly obnoxious to the people around us. Everytime we clapped and screamed (along with the rest of the audience), this huge tub of lard next to us would put his fingers in his ears. So, we were inspired to do it even louder - and proceeded to do so. He totally took my spot, we were annoyed. We had a good time.

posted by Beatriz at 5:15 PM